The reason...

..why i have a lot of time on my hands is because, i am hospitalised for hyperemesis - severe vomiting due to pregnancy.
This is my 4th admission.
It's very bad, at times i felt like dying.
I'm sure death is much more painful (nauzubillah) but for someone who (alhamdulillah), had nvr been sick her whole lifetime -
this is a huge test.
A few times had i broke down and cried, felt like giving up coz i can't bear it anymore.. afterall i'm only human. (may Allah forgive my weakness)
How severe is it ? Or am i just a cry baby ?
Imagine : vomiting your intestines out every hour, being left with this pain due to excessive vomiting and retching, sleepless nights, and repeating it all over again the following day - for 2 months.
Doesn't help that I'm terrified of needles.
But i had too many pokes now that i've grown out of my fear - something like cognitive behavioural therapy. Haha.
How really severe is it ?
They have given me the anti-vomiting they give to cancer patients undergoing chemo.
And now i'm on steroids - pretty much reached the end of the hyperemesis treatment ladder.
Ok. every cloud has a silver lining.
My silver lining is - i can fit into my old jeans and skirts now that i've lost 10kgs. Hah !
We are 16 weeks + 1 day pregnant today and i can feel that I am getting better.. thank u Allah.
Would also like to extend my gratitude to my hubs, family, friends, colleagues, my doctors and nurses - i wouldn't have made it this far alone.

And to go through everything without hubby by my side is a bigger challenge.
We are doing this long distance marriage thingy, he's in germany and i'm here, just 6000 miles apart. Just.
Oh well.
In the mean time, we have to accept the fact that we can't be together because Allah hasn't permitted it yet.
Yes, it is a struggle, but it's the hardships that make u a better person in life, right ?
They always said : count your blessings.
I know for a fact that i can count on the unconditional love from my much better half.
And that for me is perfectly enough.